Dec 7, 2010

Immigrationis

You would think that I have a medical condition called immigrationis or something, because every time I have been to see a doctor in Australia, all my symptoms add up to one explanation - the stress of being an immigrant. And you know what? I know I'm fresh of the boat, but hey, not every medical symptom can can be explained this way!

So today I go to the doc, because my ear hurts. It's been hurting for two weeks, but I've been too hesitant to go to the doc as it could just be a case of immigrationis. While I'm there I mention that my womanly clock has also been out. First off he tells me, that the womanly trails definitely can be attributed to... you guessed it, immigrationis! Then somewhere between taking my blood pressure and telling me that I should remember to use contraceptives when having affairs (a hole other post in itself!) he seems to remember about my ear.

I was so relieved to hear (excuse the pun), that I do have another condition other than the I-condition. I have ear infection. I could almost fall on my knees and weep of joy, but then he said; 'I don't think we will treat it with antibiotics, but you can take paracetamol for it. It should clear up on it's own.'

In the end I paid $108 for a 20 min stressed out doctors visit, and I go away thinking, I should have just swallowed a disprin. AND my ear still hurts.

Dec 6, 2010

Making sense

6 December 2010

Rob Bell says; 'There is greatness in  you. Courage. Desire. Integrity. Virtue. Compassion. Dignity. Loyalty. Love. It's in there - somewhere. And sometimes it takes suffering to get at it.'

That is what this blog is about. The continuous chipping away to get to the core. I want my writing to be a journey of self exploration. By thinking hard about subjects and by writing my thoughts about them I somehow find myself making sense of things and in the process discovering myself. Sometimes I think because my right brain has completely taken over I have no left brain left (excuse the pun). The stuff that goes on in my head is all flowery and emotional and nothing ever gets ordered. It's like all these ideas float around in my head, bumping against each other making me even more confused.

Here's the issues I have floating around at the moment:
  1. The kids are off to school in the new year and suddenly I have a big chunk of spare time - (I've been waiting to get my life back, but now that it is happening I don't know what to do with it.)
  2. I've got too many ideas - (I want to paint, write, make movies, teach and the list goes on.)
  3. I'm in a new country! - (I am still adjusting, trying to get what this place is about.)
  4. I can't just be at home cleaning 24/7 - (I have to have purpose, or else I'll go mad)
  5. I need to serve more - (I want to do more good, be better, be of use)
The experts say that a sure sign of switching brain-hemispheres is when you have an AHA! moment. It's that moment when you suddenly just get the picture. So I will struggle with these five issues until the light goes on.

Dec 3, 2010

The gift

3 December 2010

So tonight I am a bit tired. I have found the cure for all insomniacs! Get more kids, especially the two year old ones, they work best. You see U2 is in the country and our friends asked if we could babysit their little angel for the night.

Your first thought would be that they drove me insane, right? Though it hardly was the case. My kids are at the age where they are the perfect little helpers when babysitting. They were exemplary and very good at making whatever they do everyone's focus. Our visiting angel, Melissa was even better. Sweet as honey and so well behaved.

But here's the thing. She is so tiny and so brave, that I was an awed spectator. At age two she just once asked for her mommy although I sensed that the question was foremost in her mind. I feel honored to receive the trust of such an innocent. She looked at me with those chocolate brown eyes and and my heart would melt. It was as if she wanted to say; "I know your not my mommy, but I am willing to give you a chance". What a rare gift it is to be trusted by one so little?

It wakes me up to think that sometimes I take the trust my own kids bestow on me for granted. I think  the weight of that trust fell on me tonight (together with keeping a constant watchful eye of course...) and that somehow gave me the gift of just being DEAD TIRED. Hallelujah.

Dec 2, 2010

The waiting game

2 December 2010

While our Immigration application was being processed, it perpetually felt like I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room. Everything was on hold. You kind of didn't want to get too involved in anything, because pretty soon your name will be called and then you would have to gather your stuff and go through the door.

During this time I was afraid to commit to anything. We couldn't get a pet, we couldn't paint the house, we couldn't change schools etc. We just had to wait it out.

So now we are here and some days it feels like my balloon got popped. So what now? We are here aren't we? What's next? I find myself taking comfort in the habit of holding back. So today I suddenly registered that although I am waiting upon God and trusting Him in certain areas of my life, it doesn't mean my life isn't happening. The small things go by, unnoticed, if you aren't attentive.

Whether I am cleaning house, picking up kids or getting soaked by a Mebourne shower, life speeds by. If I am not careful, I might just miss the best parts of it.

Dec 1, 2010

Master Class

1 December 2010

Melbournians have a real affinity towards cooking. It is one of the first things you realise when you come here. This is a city about food. Take for example the religious following the TV show MasterChef has built up. Sundays while on air most of the city would come to a standstill and Monday it would be abuzz with the latest developments.

Last night while lying awake in bed I kept thinking about my life and my own inability to take a hint. I am at a stage in my life where you would think that I would be the one to teach a Master Class. Now if you know the MasterChef series you would know that the Master Class is where the more experienced teach others their unique and sometimes secret recipes. Recipes gained through years of experimentation and failures.

So through the years God has always been there. I know the footprints in the sand story is corny, but hey HE HAS BEEN THERE. So you would think that with all my experience, experimentation and failures, I should have the recipe down. That I would be a Master in the trusting-God-department.

But here I am like a TV show fledgling still doubting my experience. He has never left or forsaken me, so why do I still find myself trying to figure things out on my own instead of trusting in Him? Why does the idea that I am not in control still sit uncomfortably with me? Don't I deserve to leave the show yet?

So, isn't it ironic that God stays my most loyal supporter and He has not once tried to vote me off?